christmas 09

i hate christmas...
on 12/23/09 (the day before we got out of school) my advisory tried to get me to play christmas charades... i politely declined.. i was labled the scrooge of the junior class. later that day in forth block.. i was voted most likely to be visited by three ghosts.

its really not my fault why i hate christmas... my mother passed away when i was 11 years old on June 11th,2005. and her 49th birthday wouldve been December 27th,2009. i think its safe to say thats why i hate it.

i explained to my new boyfriend Brian Bozek (yes, the 18 year old line backer, the jock and the punk, ya i get it.) that i have alot of problems trusting other people because of the stupid heorine addict that i used ta call "mommy", couldnt tell the truth even f her life depended on it. always when i was younger it was one lie after the other. she swore to my brother, my father, and i, that she would try ta get help and get clean... needless to say it never happened.

to this day i cant figure out why im here...

christmas cookie anyone?

6/25/09 ruined my whole summer

"i never heard a single word about you, fallin in love wasnt my plan, i never thought that i would be your lover, come one babe just understand, this is it, i can say, im the light of the world, i feel grand" "This Is It" by Michael Jackson<3

Rambling Insomina

I understand that everyone sleeps, without it you die. but, what i cant understand is why sleep disorders exist. some people sleep too much (a.k.a sleeping beauty syndrome), and others cant sleep at all (a.k.a insomina). i dont know if anybody else out there has the same problem as me but, some nights ill fall asleep around 10:30-11ish, other nights its 3-4ish, and the rest are sleepless nights. another thing is all the nights i fall asleep at a good time is with help (tylenol pm, advil pm, nyquil, etc.), come ta think of it ive always been a wild child. i cant wait til im 18. so i can leave the house when i cant sleep, ya know, go for a walk. well then again, i was talking to Love-ina<3 a few minutes ago. she said when she cant sleep its because of stress and/or anxiety. school is my biggest stress factor. it makes my hair fall out and my face breakout. i just hate it all around. i dont have any disciplene of one, i have a huge issue with getting myself ta class and staying there. my counselor asked me the other day if i wanted to graduate through night school or get my G.E.D? i looked her dead in the eye and said "fuck no", if i quit high school, then quiting is giving up, giving up is a sign of weakness, and i am not weak! on the outside i may seem weak, but on the inside... i look like Rocky Marciano<3

slacker?

its 11:58 am in Laconia, NH. 3rd block is almost over. and while most kids are in class preparing for their futures... im sitting in the school library. i dont know what it is. i never have enough motivation ta go ta class. 1st block i have creativity and design, 2nd is gym, 3rd is biology, and 4th is citizenship (a combo of civics and economics). i probably should start going to class before the semesters over in january. maybe ill actually have a shot at passing. todays the second to last day before christmas break. maybe thats why its so lazy around here.

not graduating?

lets see...
freshman year (07-08) i walked in school thinking "omg finally! high school! this is gonna be awesome", i failed all my classes and only got 0.25 of a credit...

sophmore year (08-09) i walked in school thinking "ok you had a rough start, you can do it this year" hahahah no.... i only got 4.50 credits...

junior year (09-present) i walked in thinking... "ok last chance, you dont do it this year... then all hope is lost" i have to take two night school courses and 2 online courses, and i have to pass every class this year. my class (class of 2011) needs 24 credits to graduate. if i dont then im screwed. i wonder what ill walk in senior year thinking.....