Hell hounds are after me.

I trusted him once when i was 13... Got my heart broken to the point of suicide. But not enough that i wouldn't forgive him. Not to the point past forgiveness.

Stupidly, I give him a second chance at 17/18. Hahaha you idiot, Again got my heartbroken. Not to the point of suicide... But something much worse... To the point where my heart has grown cold.

I told my grandfather the day he broke up with me, January 6th, 2012. (Could it be? Really? just over a month ago?) That i am NOT interested in dating anymore! I DO NOT want a husband or anything of that matter, Because the ONLY one that i did want... For almost 6 years, longer than i have had feelings for anyone... Just woke up one day and decided.. "I'm never going to talk to her again, Just kick her to the curb." && what hurts the most is, He... Made it look... So... Easy.

Now, i have become what i have despised about him for years on end, Heartless. For 6 years i called him "The Heartbreaker." What has he done to me? Yes, this is partially my fault for trusting him. But the majority of it lies with him. For lieing to me. For buying me an engagment ring, proposing to me, pretty much super glueing me to his family, telling me he loved me, and then NEVER MEANING ANY OF IT! NOT A FUCKING WORD OF IT!

I just wanna ask him... Was this funny to you? Building up my hope, trust and then smashing them to pieces? TWICE?!? I hope you are very proud of what you have done to me. Twice you break my heart. I was once sweet, loving, trusting. But now, You have turned me into the girl version of yourself. Heartless, Bitter, && worst of all.. Cold. Thank you for everything you selfish cold-hearted unimaginable bastard!

"Listen to the rythym of the falling rain, Telling me just what a fool i've been, I wish that it would go and let me cry in vein, and let me be alone again. The only boy i care about has gone away, looking for a brand new start, but little does he know that when he left that day, along with him he took my heart. Rain, please tell me now does that seem fair? for him to steal my heart away when he don't care, I can't love another when my hearts somewhere far away"

I think this is going to be my hardest year... Oy :/

Well.. I'm back to square one. I worked for almost 5 months at a job i absolutely loved. Today Amanda tells me "Casey wants to talk to you." I leave the register and walk over to him. He says "Come up stairs, this will just take a minute." I follow him upstairs to the office. I walk in and my district manager is sitting their with this corporate guy. I said "Hello Mr.Quinn, How are you today?" He replies with "I'm alright Audriana, How are you?" "Not too bad" i said with a smile as i sat down. I introduced myself to the corporate guy, I dont quite recall his name. He says "Have a seat Audriana" I asked "what is this pertaining to?" He replies with "Well, as you know, the economy is in a rough spot" Right when he said that, i knew what was going on. I got the feeling in my throat right after you dry swallow a big pill, my stomach felt like it was going to fall out the back of me. I thought to myself silently "oh jesus no, please god no" He explained to me that they need to save jobs for people with kids, bills to pay, etc. He gave me my final paycheck as tears spilled out of my eyes like a waterfall. As i walked out of the office Casey gave me a hug and told me "Audriana, your a hardworker, where ever you end up they will be lucky to have you" I cried even harder after that. I walked out of Walgreens with my final paycheck, walked up the road aways to the soda shoppe, enjoyed some fries and a sprite, and waited for my grandfather to pick me up.

I loved my job. I felt blessed to have a good paying job that i liked. Everyone was so nice to me. I got a few snotty customers here and there, but i didn't mind them. It was pretty good pay for an 18 year old still living at home with no bills to pay. But i guess thats just the way life goes.

5 days after the new year begins, I Lose JJ... The Love Of My Life, My Husband To Be, The One I Dropped Everything For.
About a month and 9 days after that.. I Lose My Wonderful Job.

I am absolutely scared to death.. too ask the question... "What else is going to be snatched away from me?".. "Whats next?"

This year isn't looking good for me. They say everything happens for a reason... I would like to know the reason these two things happened to me now... I would prefer not to wait.

"Something to do with my hands" By Her Space Holiday.. Is gonna be on repeat on my ipod for a while. :(

God in heaven, Please send me some guidance.. Please