letting go?

its 9:24am in good ol' Laconia,NH.
im suppose to be in gym but i have a 93 in their
i dont think missing one class is going to matter

my best friends grandmother died yesterday morning,
it brought back such horrible memories,

i was thinking about the day my mom died,
i had stayed home from school the day before on a friday,
my grandfaher woke me up around 10ish that morning,
i looked at him,
he had tears in his eyes,
i asked "what happened"?
he replied "i have some bad news"
i asked "what'?
and he said the words that i had been dreading to hear my whole life,
"moms in heaven"....
i couldnt believe my ears,
i asked "WHAT'?!?!
he said "mom died"
i put my huggy pillow over my face and tears spilled out of my eyes like water.

that day my uncle took my brother Ulyssys, my cousin Gavin, and i out on his boat,
all i could think about was my mom,
i had cried that whole morning,
that whole night as well,
i just couldnt understand why she left me,
while i was still so young and needed her the most,

i kept thinking "was she scared when it happened"?
the whole rest of the week is such a blur now,
the day of my moms funeral wasnt bad in the beginning,
until my father, brother, me, and the rest of her side of the family were in the pues,
my father leaned over over and told me to tell god that we need help,
after that point the tears were like a waterfall.

when we got homei got two cards from my classmates,
they all signed it and told me how sorry they were,
i cant believe its been almost 5 years now.....